Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
