I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
