you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
