i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
