I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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