you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
