At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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