you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
