Old men and throwing up are my life now.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
