I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize