Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You pole danced in your parka.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
