Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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