i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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