I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
