I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
