she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
