Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
