five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
