I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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