the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
