Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
