She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
