Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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