you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
