Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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