ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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