I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
