So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
