I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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