I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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