So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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