Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
