I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
do herpes really smell.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
