My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
