Yo dont text me then not text me
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
