I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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