Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
