I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
