Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
