can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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