She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
