If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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