I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
