On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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