So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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