the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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