the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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