I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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