We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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