He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
