that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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