Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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