It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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