Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
