She's JV to your varsity
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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