Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
