when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
