its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
