He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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