I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
