All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
