Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
