Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
