Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
