Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
