Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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