Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize