I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
