its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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