hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize