So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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