All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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