You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
