if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
