I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize