She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
