Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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