i think my tv is drunk
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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