No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
meet me or not, i'm out of control
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
