dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We need a shit load of segways right now
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
