I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
