She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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