i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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