I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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