ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
wanna go halves on a baby?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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