names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
