is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize