What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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